Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
