Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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