Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
