guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
