I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
