no, he came in my armpit
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
