Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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