You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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