we made out on top of his cat.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
