I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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