My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
