I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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