Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
