Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
my being single is dangerous.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
