piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
