so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
