Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
