dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
you had me at cake vodka
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
