A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
