A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
