So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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