So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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