he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
