Where is the hickey?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
