Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
