i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
two words: eviction party
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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