okay pat passed out under dana's car
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
only if we run a train.
done.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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