pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
