I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
