i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
