Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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