What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
