I feel great
I just peed on a car
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
