this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
