Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
