i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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