My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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