hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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