I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
