he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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