I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
