Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So vagazzling was a success
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
