My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
