I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
it was like eating out sand paper
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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