You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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