I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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