I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
