areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
