i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
