how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
