White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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