Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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