We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
