I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
