highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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