Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Are we still banned from the library?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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